Yuletide OH&S

Various versions of this are going the rounds, and I like this one.

Work Health and Safety Christmas Message during this festive season –

Anyone planning to dash through the snow in a one horse open sleigh, going over the fields and laughing all the way, is advised that a Risk Assessment will be required addressing the safety of an open sleigh.

This assessment must also consider whether it is appropriate to use only one horse for such a venture, particularly where there are multiple passengers. Advice against dashing has been issued and  a maximum speed of 10MPH recommended unless seat-belts are fitted.  This must be complied with.

Please note that permission must also be obtained in writing from landowners before their fields may be entered.

To avoid offending those not participating in celebrations, it is advised that laughter is moderate only and not loud enough to be considered a noise nuisance.

Benches, stools and orthopaedic chairs are now available for collection by those working as shepherds during this festive season and planning or required to watch their flocks at night. While provision has also been made for remote monitoring of flocks by CCTV cameras from a centrally heated shepherd observation hut, all users of this facility are reminded that an emergency response plan must be submitted to account for known risks to the flocks.  This must be briefed to all shepherds and copies of signatures recorded.

The angel of the Lord is additionally reminded that, prior to shining his/her glory all around, s/he must confirm that all shepherds are wearing appropriate Personal Protective Equipment to account for the harmful effects of UVA, UVB and the overwhelming effects of Glory.

Following last year’s well-publicised case, everyone is advised that Equal Opportunities legislation prohibits any comment with regard to the redness of any part of Mr R Reindeer. Further to this, exclusion of Mr R Reindeer from reindeer games will be considered discriminatory and disciplinary action will be taken against those found guilty of this offence.

While it is acknowledged that gift bearing is a common practice in various parts of the world, everyone is reminded that the bearing of gifts is subject to our bribery policy and all gifts must be registered. This applies regardless of the individual.  It is particularly noted that direct gifts of gold are specifically precluded, while caution is advised regarding other common gifts such as aromatic resins that may evoke allergic reactions, such as frankincense, myrrh and other  body & bath oils and salts.

Remember:  Contact your local Health and Safety Officer if you have any queries on Seasonal Health and Safety issues.

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2 Responses to “Yuletide OH&S”

  1. Shannon Says:

    Great post. I was giggling at my desk the entire time I was reading it 🙂

    • erasmid Says:

      Thank you. Coincidence – I am also mother of twins. One of the “Put the TV in one playpen and me and my work in another” type. The first two years were the worst. So were the second two years. The third went sort of blurry, and I forget most of the rest. The twins are now at university, and I am approaching sanity.

      A thing to consider: one of the twins was a bolter … Why do they have buckles at the front of child harnesses? Are my offspring unnaturally dextrous? I leatherworked the harness to reverse, and got long dog-leashes. Got odd looks in the city, but I was able to get around with less anxiety.

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